The Product Globe of Death™

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A linked series of phases that advance automatically, turn by turn, regardless of whether anyone is managing them.

Each phase has specific monsters that activate it, specific monsters that can close it, and specific damage it deals to everyone in the room. The activating monster and closing monster are not the same monster. They were never in the same meeting.

· The phases advance whether you are ready or not
· Feel the thrill of the cross functionality in our metal sphere of death! ·

The Seven Phases

Waterfall is the substrate. The Lifecycle runs on top of it. Phases cannot be skipped.

Discovery

Sales Monster Only · All Other BU Monsters Cannot Be Summoned

Sales monster only. All other BU monsters cannot be summoned during this phase. When this phase ends: Sales monster is permanently removed from this project. Cannot return for the rest of the duel.

All promises made during Discovery are binding. No record of them exists.

"Everyone aligned. Sales confirmed the timeline. Sales is now in another meeting."

1.5

Requirements Gathering · Vision Scope

All BU Monsters Active · Both Players Lose 200 Bandwidth

Each BU monster contributes one Vision Counter. All Vision Counters are added to the Scope. The Scope now contains all visions simultaneously. The Scope is not a scope. It is a wish list with a border around it.

Stakeholders learn the budget was decided before this meeting during this meeting.

"The scope is comprehensive. The scope encompasses everything. The scope will need to be refined."

Design & Specs

Confidence Counters Active · Confidence Counters Do Not Affect Outcomes

Vision Scope is reviewed. Vision Scope is given glasses. Vision Scope is now a Specification Document. The Specification Document references the budget. The budget is not binding. The Specification Document is not binding. Both are confident.

Once per turn: add one Confidence Counter. Confidence Counters do not affect outcomes.

"The specs are detailed. The specs are complete. The specs describe a slightly different project than the one being built."

Proof of Concept

Tech Monster Must Remain · Cannot Attack · Cannot Defend · Roll Integration Die

Tech monster must remain on field. Cannot attack. Cannot defend. Is building something nobody has purchased yet.

Once per turn: reveal one Integration Counter. Roll a die:
1–2: Native integration confirmed
3–4: API exists but is undocumented
5: Webhook. Just a webhook.
6: "We can export to CSV."

When PoC Phase ends: all Integration Counters are removed regardless of resolution status. The PoC is complete. The purchase has not occurred.

"It works in the demo environment. The demo environment was built specifically to make it work."

"The integration is bidirectional. You export. You import. That's two directions."

Implementation

Solution Deployed · CS & Support Begin Accumulating Trauma Counters

Solution is deployed. Solution is deployed to the tree. The customer is not a tree.

CS & Support monsters begin accumulating Trauma Counters. One per turn. Trauma Counters cannot be removed.

Once per turn: a BU monster that was not at Discovery may ask what was promised. No answer is available.

"It's live. Nobody is using it yet. That is a separate phase."

Onboarding

New Monster Team · Was Not At Discovery · Inherits Everything Without Context

New monster team. Was not at Discovery. Inherits all decisions made during Discovery without context, explanation, or the person who made them.

All use cases from Discovery are revealed. Once per turn: declare one use case a blocker. That use case cannot be addressed without a new Discovery phase.

CS & Support monsters share one piece of undocumented institutional knowledge. Both lose 100 ATK from the effort.

"The documentation exists. The documentation describes a different product than the one that was implemented."

Optimisation & Expansion

Workarounds Become Load-Bearing · Cannot Be Removed

Once per turn: optimise one BU's workflow. Randomly select one other BU's workflow. That workflow is now broken.

Workarounds built during this phase become load-bearing. They cannot be removed without triggering a Pivot Table.

Business rules created to accommodate one BU now constitute the infrastructure of another BU that did not request them.

"It's not technical debt. It's a solution that has been optimised beyond its original intent."

Handoff

Flip A Coin · Either Way: Trauma Counters Transfer To End User

Flip a coin:
Heads: Handoff is fully documented. Documentation is thorough, accurate, and immediately ignored by all receiving parties.
Tails: Handoff is not documented. The End User is simply alone now.

Either way: all CS & Support Trauma Counters are transferred to the End User.

"What the customer really needed."

🛞

The tire swing was always the answer
to the question no stakeholder asked

◆

Lifecycle Monster Roles

Some activate phases. Some close them. None of them are the same monster. None of them were in the same meeting.

Sales Monster

Discovery Only

Activates Discovery. Makes all promises. Leaves permanently at end of Phase 1. Unreachable thereafter. Not maliciously. There is simply another Discovery.

Tech Monster

PoC → Implementation

Inherits all Sales promises. Cannot attack during PoC. Executes the Integration die roll. Deploys to the tree.

CS & Support

Onboarding → Handoff

Combined card. Accumulates Trauma Counters from Phase 4 onward. Trauma Counters cannot be removed. Shares institutional knowledge at cost of 100 ATK per share. Weeps in the same washroom.

Project Spooner

Any Phase

Present at every phase. Contributes nothing to any of them. Cannot be removed without scheduling a meeting to discuss removing him. Has been on the field since Phase 1. Nobody invited him specifically.

"Why is Spooner here?"

Strategy & Other

Any Phase

Produces one Insight Counter and one Direction Counter per turn. Neither Counter can be spent to do anything. Both players acknowledge the Counters are valuable. The work continues to be elsewhere.

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Lifecycle Tools

Pivot Table

Trap Card · Any Phase

Declare a new strategic direction. All existing cards, problems, and counters remain on the field. Only the declared direction changes. Cannot destroy anything. Transfers remaining work to the opponent.

"The data was always pointing this direction. We just needed to rotate it."

Gantt Chart

Spell Card · Any Phase

Place Timeline Counters on all active phases. Each counter represents a date everyone agreed to and nobody believes. While Gantt Chart is on the field: all players must refer to current phase as "on track."

"The chart is not the plan. The chart is a picture of a plan that was already wrong when it was drawn."

Kanban Board

Continuous Spell · Any Phase

Once per turn: move one card from To Do to In Progress without advancing its actual effect. Cards in the Done column retain all unresolved effects.

"The board is current. The board reflects the work. The work does not reflect the board."

We Can Export to CSV

Quick-Play Spell · PoC

Activate in response to any integration requirement. That requirement is considered resolved. All remaining work is transferred to the opponent.

"The integration is bidirectional. You export. You import. That's two directions."

Vision Scope

Spell Card · Requirements

Collect all BU Vision Counters into one document. That document is now the Scope. The Scope contains everything. Once per turn: add one requirement. The scope cannot be closed while requirements can still be added.

"The scope is comprehensive. It encompasses everything. It will need to be refined."

Strategy & Other

Continuous Spell · Any Phase

Once per turn: produce one Insight Counter and one Direction Counter. Neither Counter can be spent to do anything. Both players acknowledge the Counters are valuable.

"The data supports the direction. The direction is supported by the data. The work continues to be elsewhere."

The phases advance whether you are ready or not.
The activating monster and the closing monster are not the same monster.
They were never in the same meeting.

Waterfall is the default game state.
Feel the thrill of the cross functionality in our metal sphere of death!